Fear of freezing pipes, I called the gas company.

Apparently I owed a balance.

I told them I had forwarded my mail, but never received anything.

“We tracked you down to Bloomington, Illinois”.

I have never lived in Illinois, and isn’t that Indiana?

I Googled my name, and no cross reference to Illinois.

I tried to help the woman later and asked, how did you track me down there?

“We paid a company, and that is what they gave us.”

Could have taken her all of 3 seconds to search me on Google.

I shared that nicely, including the fact we got married and it was on the news.

(Most publicized non-celebrity wedding – but I held back that info…).

She snapped at me:

“That would be your married name. “

I explained that both of our names were listed.

In the end, it turns out she didnt care for my advice, and didnt care her company was paying another company to do shitty work.

Hope she is able to make a better day for herself.

So stalkers unite! Open up a business – I’m sure you can do better than whatever company TW Philips is paying.

I have shared that – and my boyfriend just brightened my evening of another working all-nighter with this voicemail that Google transcribed.

Your day. Judy Judy Judy chickens walk from farms to camps and the camps scroll from referrals. 2 the trolling Pearl. Thanks and the first 6 often find themselves covered in icicles in cubicles. But sometimes overspent defend themselves and the gym. Pansies trying to take over the planets, but the planets is full of peanuts and the peanuts like to smash chestnuts. But the chest not sometimes hang up on the Carillo switcher defending the gym. Pansies through our includes with the penguins who has nothing to do with anything.

Here is the actual message.

If I miss a call, I can read the text message Google generates by translating the voice mail.

Here are the latest two:

From Adam: How you doing finishing up your weapons Confederate of a reasons. Alright, I'm gonna send a message. So, anyway, give me a shout it. Yeah.

From V: Emily, It, so if you feel here and she just called you and other number of any kind of food River asked me to this. Mom I wasn't sure. I just wanted to be. If you or Adam, We will who wants to go. So, W at some space. Since mummified body of of available them into tomorrow about some this is since last weekend, so gimme a call when you can and I'll talk to you later. Thanks. Bye.

If you use Google Voice, please post some funny translations you have received…